You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
