You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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