Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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