new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
