so that wasnt chicken after all
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
