Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
