I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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