I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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