Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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