An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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