she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
