You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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