I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
