I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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