How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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