I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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