Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
