It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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