what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize