Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
