So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
