I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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