She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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