Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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