Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
