We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
