If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
