Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
