Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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