Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
