my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
