never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
