My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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