He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
