i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
