If i come over, it means nothing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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