He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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