Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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