There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
