you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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