Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
