I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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