I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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