I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
