if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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