this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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