I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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