Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
