I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
