I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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