I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
