I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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