can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
