and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
