and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
