She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
