Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sext me about skeletons
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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