you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
