She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
