Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
