I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
