so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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