I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
