She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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