We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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