I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
