how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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