reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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