Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
