I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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