my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize