Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
